jem cook prisioner

Jem Cook, prisoner of war, a captive for crimes against music and fake alluring. Sentenced to a life of obscurity.  

unreplicable dog

The Dog; he thinks in a visual language that he can see which is distracting and can make him look a bit gormless like he can't even think about stakeholder pensions or something.  

r.kelly kids

The R.Kelly:  he leans, he thinks about things grown men should't think about.  The mist comes, with it the local police department with his latest release because you can imprision such talent.

seagull spider

The seagull; he sits, angry, looking out over the great whispy spider web that smothers the Algarve, he thinks, he makes an annoying sqwark, he dies. 

sue lawley

Power smiles, power fringe, AND she read the mother-f**king nineteen nineties news, deal with it.

greetings from iraq

bombed, bombed, bombed, bombed.

red lead

 Another red lead lady? Are you mental? You don't want a different colour? Perhaps anyone of this kaleidoscopic range in my suitcase, just red? Like your bag and that hat and that lead you ALEADY HAVE.  £24.99 please.

such fun

This is so fun, oh it's really fun, isn't it? Is it? You're right it's the best fun ever! I love these old cars with their lack of and suspension and speed and windscreens and doors don't you?

imaginary friend

This is by Great Grandad Douglas with his imaginary friend loose Lucy, 
the adventures they got up to.

Tit tennis



I don't understand it, but I wish it landed on my doorstep.

spit roast

Non descript burning animal carcasses and self-mocking hats, check.

bear rev

Bear Graham

happy fireman

Stop tripping up the happy fireman. And give him back his lighter.

shit fountain

And the centrepiece of this cuboidial creation of architectural beauty, a fountain so staggering several brightly coloured jumper wearing humans will gather for seconds to bask in it's majesty.

fat baskets

Fat baskets.

gay rings

The wonder of gay rings

dubious puppet hair

Giant puppets seen with dubious facial hair ringing bells


Ok I'll barricade myself in a cupboard until I'm dead or until you two die.

hand bridge

Do I look impressed?  You're gonna have to duck that tosspot of a head to get under this bastard hand-bridge.

cooked jesus

Who ordered the well done baby jesus?

Thora pixel

The BBC had to slightly pixelate Thora Hird as her religious views make cart's vommit.  

greetings from london

Not quite Disney World, not even Euro Disney.

tower in the hills

This, is, brilliant.

withdrawn from bullshit

"...We ave withdrawn, from bullshit - very sad!"

"Quite hot, in hell."

renaissance updated

The renaissance, recreated?

mo money, mo problems

Mo money, Mo problems, Mo glowing women following you asking how you got those eyes to look so detatched and joyless.

doll face

You know when you start drawing faces and you do a nice neat nose then work out with some modest eyes, lips and seagull brows and you're really happy, then you step back and realise no amount of blusher with make this face look propotionally normal. Fuck it, give her something to sell.  It's like she knows you fucked her up.   Ok, have a cross too.

puppets got wood

"So what did you do at work experience today Brandon?"
"I created a historical scene all by myself."